Life.Currenttoday.com - 2 Cents

My parents never had a credit card.
I met, and married my wife in 1982. Her parents had only had a gas card.

We didn’t have much money. We were poor college students. Our gross income was less than $15,000. Life was good.

We had our daughter in the middle of my junior year. It was financially tough. And, one just has to have home movies of the kids when they’re small. Sears had this great video camera. It was a freak by today’s standards, but it was great for the early 1980’s. We charged it on the Sears Credit card. When we signed up, we got some free pans. It was a good deal. We could pay it off at our convenience.

We got a new color TV that Christmas. There was this great new technology that would really help with school. There was Commodore, Atari, and Apple to choose from too.

My wife had to have an operation. It wasn’t covered by her new insurance yet. That was expensive. We needed new tires for the car at the same time. And, Christmas came around every year. We had to cover a huge expense when we moved to another state.

We bought a house. The car broke down. Another Christmas rolled around. We paid off another credit card with a new one with lower interest.

Ok, I won’t detail every year of our last 24 married years of bliss. I think you get the picture. One thing led to another along with some bad choices. That and the need to have what we wanted as soon as we could get it finally had us paying more for credit card debt than anything else in our lives.

Let me just say we had over $90,000.00 in non-secured credit card debt. We were making good money, but living from paycheck to paycheck. Finally, one day, it all broke. By our best calculations we had 2 months before we would go under–totally under.

We sought help with debt consolidation. At the end of the day, we just couldn’t do that. They actually told us they usually dealt with people who were already behind in their payments. We needed to quit paying our credit cards until they were behind. Then, they would approach each card with a take it or leave it deal. We would only be responsible for about 15% - 20% of our original debt by the time they were done dealing with our creditors.

I won’t judge anyone who had to take that route. I’m thankful we didn’t have to do so.

What did we do? Well, our house had a lot of equity. We were able to get a first mortgage that covered a lot of the debt. A second mortgage made it where we could breathe again. Finally, we cut up every credit card we ever had.

That was just over 2 years ago.

We have paid the remaining items off, one by one.

Now, we actually have a plan to be totally debt free. We won’t owe on anything but the house in another 2 years. And, we plan to have that paid off in another 5 years after that. So, we’ll be totally debt free in 7 years. We only have a debit card. We save for anything we get.

By comparison, we live like king and queen now. I just had to pay over $1000.00 to fix one of the vehicles this last month. We didn’t touch savings. We didn’t touch a card. I paid for it out of checking–not even savings–and still had twice what I needed to pay our bills. And that’s even with doubling up on the remaining debt.

So, don’t you dare be stupid like we were.

You know when I use a card now? When I can get 0% interest for something I have to get anyway. I divide the amount into the months before it is due and set up my automatic on-line bill pay. I got tires last year that way for three vehicles.

Credit cards? Cut them up. Tear them up. Bury them. They will destroy your life.

You can truly enjoy a happy life when you live debt free. Learn to work for what you have. After you save for it and finally get it you actually enjoy it even more. It becomes fulfilling in a way you never expected.

Regards.

My daughter has always hated school with a passion. I’ve always told her it was because she hated responsibility and to get over it. But this was more than just a passing whine with her. She would actually get physically down and depressed over it when there were added pressures like a paper or big exam.

So, brilliant me, I told her one year that I really didn’t care what grades she got. As long as she did her best.

Yes, you’re right. That was fairly dumb. All her grades dropped off a bit.

However, in the scheme of things, I have to step back a step or two for questions like this.

Is it the goal or the journey?

Well, most people with a six figure income would say it’s about the goal. Most the folks without a six figure income wouldn’t say it’s about the goal or it’s about the journey. They weren’t really actually thinking about it in the first place. Thus, no six figure income.

Now, after they finally did see the guy with the six figure income driving his sweet little baby down the street, they look on with envy–trying to figure some way to get the six figure income. The scramble starts.

So, the guy who set goals and got the six figure income does what? Obviously he notices the envy. So, guess what he does? He offers the little guy instruction in how to get what he has. In fact, without any effort whatsoever, he can deliver an automated system requiring no work that will make anyone a rich man. And it’s free to join! < <<—-See. I’ve even got one!!

Does it work? Sure! But mostly for the guy with the six figure income!

What’s my point?

Well, at the end of the day, we all want to have it all. But, at the end of the same day, most of us aren’t willing to pay the price.

I make a comfortable income. I pay my bills. I pretty well live at the edge of my means with a little left to save. If I lost my job or couldn’t work, I would be devastated in just a few months. My point is, I couldn’t just drop what I’m doing to do what I liked. I have responsibilities that won’t allow me to follow any dream that might still be lingering.

So, what did I tell my daughter?

I told her to always pursue what she loved doing and to hope that the path would bring an income. I told her this would keep her happy whether she had money or not. AND, if she started life like this, and always lived within her means, she would never be trapped in a job with no way out.

Boy was that dumb. She has a group of people that pay her to do things for them and works on the side doing things with the youth at a very large church. Basically she gets paid to go to church, and paid to help her friends. Hmm, maybe not so dumb after all.

So, which is it? I think we all have a false sense that money will bring happiness. It may bring more toys, but toys just leave us wanting more.

“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” lofty words. Hopeful words. Life and liberty are mostly givens in the USA. Happiness, which really matters at the end of the day, isn’t any more a promise in the USA than it is in any other country.

No, for that you need contentment first. So, happiness is really a result of contentment. And, you’ll find nothing and no one can give you contentment. No. You alone can do that.

I’m going to tell my daughter to practice contentment. Yes, you heard correctly. I said “practice contentment.” Contentment can’t be given and it can’t be taken. When practiced, it brings happiness. Now, that’s not so dumb.

Regards.

Do you remember that kid, usually a girl [sorry ladies], when you were in school that always managed to be sitting next to the teacher’s desk? They were always performing little tasks and getting little perks. They were the acting class tattle when the teacher was out of the room.

That’s right, we called them the teacher’s pet.

Well, out here in the real world, that kind of activity isn’t called the teacher’s pet anymore. No. It’s called getting ahead. It’s how you make more money. It’s called doing what your boss asked you to do.

Now, there’s nothing worse than a stupid suck up. Don’t misunderstand. I mean a suck up who is stupid. They’re just sickening, both to their co-workers and to the people they try to suck up to. I’m a supervisor where I work. I know all too well how ridiculous a stupid suck up is. Don’t read any further if you’re just plain stupid. You’ll just be a stupid suck up.

What a concept. Do what the boss asks, and you get paid. Wow! The more you do what the boss asks, the more you get paid. Astonishing.

Yes, the teacher’s pet–now, the suck up–soon to be the supervisor, the manager, or, if any actual skills go along with the suck up, the new VP.

The information I am about to share with you can be quite dangerous. First of all, because it will help you get ahead. But, secondly, because getting ahead without skills is usually only temporary. This will force you to move from company to company and from city to city to stay ahead of the ultimate death spiral should you remain beyond your skills. This latter tactic of job surfing requires at least a rudimentary level of language and writing skills to develop good resume and job interview abilities. I’ll cover these later in another article.

So, as pertains to getting ahead where you are, here it is. Realize this. Use it.

Anytime you start working at a company, you start out with a certain amount of change. Let’s say we all start out with a buck fifty.

Now, that’s not much, but it doesn’t take much.

Anytime you do something noticeable, and good, you get a little change. Say, a nickel. But, anytime you do something noticeable, and bad, you lose a bunch of change. Say, fifty cents.

Further, if you continue to do noticeable, and bad things, you lose change at an increasing rate. Whereas, continuing to do noticeable, and good things, has a smaller increase, but does multiply a little just the same.

I’m sure you’ve heard or have been told of someone saying something like this: “I don’t understand it. I’ve been with that company for several years. Why would they fire me for such a small thing?”

Here’s where understanding the change allegory helps. This person simply ran out of change. A quarter here. A quarter there. Eighty cents over here. Boom. One little thing, only a dime, but, they were out of change.

OK, there’s quite a lot I could say about the dynamics of gaining and losing change. For this discussion, I only need you to understand one element of it.

Notice above, I kept writing noticeable good things and noticeable bad things. This is the one single difference between being a good suck up or a stupid suck up. Making your positive contributions noticeable to the people who matter is the absolute key to getting ahead. A person of only average ability can move up the ladder if they can practice this well.

Any time you make a mistake, you have to downplay it to keep it less noticeable. Do not attempt to hide mistakes. NO. The only way to redeem a noticeable mistake is to be as involved in finding it as possible. The full redemption is to be the one to solve or repair the mistake as well as is humanly possible and to make this as noticeable as possible.

I can’t iterate the word ‘noticeable’ too much here.

Now, here is the central concept of this whole discussion. Get this, and it will all fall into place for you. Bad things are almost always noticeable, even when they are small. But, good things are rarely noticeable unless they are huge. So, the all important strategy for success comes from recognizing and utilizing the best platform and the best approach to making good things get noticed by the right people without being a stupid suck up.

This will be different in every field and for each kind of position and work.

Here’s an example:

You receive a praise from a client in an email. Forward it to your boss, or bosses. Forward it to your HR for internal publication, if you do that, and if appropriate. Simply type something like: Thought you would appreciate this positive note from John Doe. Putting the right note in is the key to success.

Another finer related point to this is the concept of attachment and detachment. Simply put, find ways to keep yourself attached to positive things and detached or in the middle of fixing bad things–whereas a negative can become a huge positive. Most successful, active people aren’t perfect. They’re just really good at noticing and fixing mistakes quickly before they become destructive and making sure they get noticed on the sweet end of the deal.

So, make more money. Move up the ladder. Keep it positive and turn negatives into positives.

Do what your boss wants. What a concept.

Regards.

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a reality that is suffocating your very life: that you are trapped and powerless to make the changes that can save you from the place that has captured your dreams and smothered your hopes?

You go to work at the same job you hated yesterday. You long all day for quitting time to get home–only to dribble the night away trying to grasp at illusive pleasures in a hobby or evening pass-time that remain ever dulled by the lingering knowledge that you will have to give up the evening’s quest all too soon, go to bed, and trudge through it all again tomorrow. “Please, God. Hurry the weekend.”

Let me introduce my daughter. She can help.

I have a wonderful daughter that has made great choices in her life. I am thankful. We have a great son in law–no grand babies yet, just a cute little rat terrier named Bambi of all things.

I have many amazing memories of my daughter growing up. Once, I awakened to an entire family size jar of Vaseline spread all over my chest, face, and hair and her loving little blue-green eyes looking at me, in my disbelief, as the reality of the moment became clear in my mind as sleep faded.

It took me two years to really enjoy an Oreo cookie after the little rascal had replaced the cream filling with tooth paste.

There is one that really stands out, and at the same time becomes a compelling look at the things that are truly meaningful in our lives.

When she was around three, we used to live in a two story house with one of those open stair cases. She used to LOVE to play this game that would make most sensible people cringe with anticipation. She would step up the stairs, higher and higher with each successive turn, and turn and yell, “Catch me daddy!” while she jumped with little regard as to how ready I appeared or not. Sometimes I would have to lunge half way up the steps to reach her in her jump. It wasn’t a game for the faint hearted. And believe me, she was never that. As long as daddy was there, she was too fearless for her own good.

Years later, we were living in a small single story home. The layout placed one side of the roof fairly low to the ground. There was a decorative brick wall at that same side of the house. My daughter was around nine or ten years old by then. One day we were playing with a Frisbee in the front yard. One of us threw it too high and it landed on the roof. “No problem,” I thought. “I’ll, just jump up on the roof from the top of that short wall.” So, I jumped up on the wall and placed my hands on the top of the roof to steady myself to hop up and then press up the rest of the way with my hands.

That’s when common sense kicked in. I had this really clear picture of not having quite enough momentum to carry me high enough; of my chest sliding back down the edge of the rough roofing; of missing the short wall with my feet; and of dashing myself all over the ground in several painful, hurtful bounces and bashes. So, I called for my fearless daughter to help.

“OK, honey. I’ll set you on top the roof. You go get the Frisbee and toss it down. Then, come back over and I’ll set you back down.”

It was a perfect plan. It was executed perfectly until . . . Until she had to come back over for me to set her down. Coming back down the roof proved to have a very different view of the ground than did going up the roof. She became terrified to come close enough for me to reach her to set her down.

She cried. I begged. She cried some more. I sternly exclaimed for her to “TRUST ME!!” This went on for several very aggravating moments that really tested my patience. “Why won’t you trust me? Come here. You can do it. Come HERE!!” She finally got just a little bit too close. So, I lunged and snagged her by the foot as she screamed, as I pulled, as she screamed, as I set her on the ground and exasperatedly finished it with “SEE? Why didn’t you trust me?”

I don’t remember if we played any more Frisbee or not. But, I do remember how much my baby had changed. My baby had lost faith.

Now, maybe I think too much. But this has become a compelling moment in my life. My daughter had just etched into my mind the sad story of many of our hopes and dreams.

I don’t remember failing her, but, somewhere along the way, common sense had over taken my daughter’s trust in my ability to catch her. She had moved from one who could lunge without concern to one who couldn’t even creep for fear of what could possibly go wrong.

I remember when I was sixteen. The world was mine for the taking. Nothing was out of my reach. Then, somewhere along the way, common sense kicked in. This has often fostered a sense of reality that leaves one wanting more.

So, how do we strike a balance between common sense, on the one hand, and releasing our greatest hopes and dreams, on the other? How do we make our reality a place worth living? Understand me. I’m not talking about some scheme to change our reality. I’m talking about reviving the kind of living that changes our SENSE of reality–that makes life worth living. We need an attitude for each day that fills it with opportunities for fulfillment as opposed to obstacles and road blocks keeping us from breathing the kind of breath that gives life.

First of all, a change of mind is needed. A common statement is very true here: “If you do tomorrow what you did today, don’t expect something different to happen.”

Ok, know this. I have seen as many unhappy christians or varied religious types as I have those of any other persuasion. The reality of living from day to day in a place that is full of fulfillment requires some motion and dynamic that isn’t only spiritual. Neither is it only philosophic. Neither is it only science or exercise.

As I think back to my daughter for help to know how to find joy there are several things that may help point the way.

First, she had a sense of abandon.

I think we have educated and directed ourselves down a road of cookie-cut life style and purpose. I wake to a routine that I know, to a drive to work that I know, to a job that I know, to people that I know [superficially], and to relationships that I know. The foundation these things lay, while very consistent and solid, becomes the rails on a hot-wheel track funneling me along into the mundane and dull. It may not be any greener on the other side of the fence. But, it IS the OTHER side of the fence. And that’s often enough. The hot-wheel wants to jump the track. It has to escape. There is no control over the direction of the track. “AaaaaaHHH.”

Second, she had no demands or expectations. Things just were as they were.

I’ve been trained. I’ve gotten a job. I’ve pursued a goal. I’ve operated as prescribed in a situation. Now, “I want what I deserve! Why am I not getting ahead? Why did THAT stupid person do better that I did? I did my homework! Where’s the payoff?”

Finally, she had faith.

Daddy had never dropped her. In fact, that wasn’t even a concept. It was all about the falling and the fun–of the attention and the joy of the moment. Just for the SAKE of the moment, in fact. Oblivious is a good word here.

So, how do we get it back? How do we get the kind of carefree back that makes what we do care about all full of the hope and fulfillment that it can be—that it has to be for us to truly enjoy life?

OK, how did we get like we are?

Pretty much, we are the product of what we have done, how we have thought, and what we have taken in over the course of our life times. Garbage in, garbage out.

These things are habitual. And while good habits are good–well, bad habits are bad. And, one might ask, “When does a good habit become bad?”

We aren’t robots. We have to live and breathe. Develop a habit of changing routine. Be spontaneous. Eat some place different. Even do something silly or uncalled for.

Next, look at the common things around you a second time. Examine it more closely. Don’t expect that you know it. Don’t describe it before hand. Describe it again and keep it fresh.

My friend at work brought some Harry Potter jelly beans for us to try. They have flavors of dirt and grass and several things I won’t mention. It set me thinking. How did I know that tasted like grass? Well, obviously, I must have tasted grass before!! When? Do you remember when you tasted grass? Ok, maybe I’m not suggesting that you run out and taste grass all over again. But, maybe I am! Do the DEW.

Finally, like it or not. We have to get rid of the skepticism that has replaced our faith. There is a kind of naivety that isn’t stupid. Yes, there is a difference. Believe it or not, there is a healthy gullibility that keeps things fun and fresh.

Now, if you were trying to quit smoking, yet, never put down cigarettes or reduced how much you smoked, do you think you would ever quit? DUH.

So, if you get up tomorrow fully knowing what tomorrow holds, and treat tomorrow like you treated today and yesterday, what can you expect? DUH.

OK, tomorrow, let’s all get up and eat some grass! Well, anyway, lets step back from each moment that comes and redefine it. Let’s try something new. Let’s do something that wasn’t expected. Even if you can’t put into words exactly what it means for every situation, I think “Do the DEW” says it pretty well.

Have some faith.

Regards.

PS. I know “do the DEW” isn’t the best way to put it. It’s just that all that craziness and jumping out past the normal day that they use on those commercials is encapsulated into that one little statement. So, forgive me if you think I’m being trite.