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On Thursday, one week ago, I received a phone call at work from my daughter. She was crying. Her cousin had just got off the phone with her.

“They’ve taken Paw Paw to the hospital,” my daughter sobbed.
“He’s had a stroke. They don’t think he will make it.”

Now, that was a phone call I had dreaded getting my entire adult life. I thought I had received that phone call over eight years ago. Mom had called crying. Dad had cancer. That was part of what made this phone call all the more sudden and surprising. How? My dad had come through cancer surgery, chemotherapy, and all the years of follow up without ever having been sick or losing his hair. The doctors were in constant disbelief at his stamina, strength, and lack of side effects through the whole ordeal.

My dad had continued working. He didn’t work, look, or act like an older man. He didn’t work because he had to. He worked because he loved it.

Two years ago, Dad had worked circles around me helping me roof my house. To the day he went to the hospital he was working with a friend installing gas lines and furnaces. He did the crawling under the houses and the digging. He was really in great shape.

Everyone believed he would live to be a hundred or more. He was the picture of health. He still looked like he was in his mid 50’s. I knew he would see my grand children marry.

So, I called my wife and told her the bad news. My dad and mom live almost 1200 miles to the east. We discussed it for a moment and decided to drop everything and get there as fast as we could.

At different times along the trip, someone would break down. We would all cry for a bit. When we arrived, early the next morning, I realized it was the first time in my life I wasn’t glad to see my home town. In fact, I hated it.

We went straight to the hospital.

My father was elevated in CCU with nothing attached except a heart and respiration monitor. My parents had long decided not to use anything to prolong the life and death struggle. But, you could see the new world we live in when the nurse promptly called for the neurosurgeon after I arrived. I’m sure they were needing to make sure I was on board with the decision to allow things to take their course. I comforted them with an affirmation of “whatever Dad and Mom wanted.”

Dad was so strong, as he lay there. I feared this could last months–even years. Evidently, the right side of his brain had suffered massive damage, but the left side was ok. He was able to squeeze my daughter’s hand when she asked, but he was basically comatose in every other way.

It was very tough seeing Dad that way. I’m very glad he suffered no pain throughout the whole thing.

The morning before his death, Dad ate breakfast with mom. He started slurring his words and losing control of his right side. He never even knew anything was happening when mom asked him. They took him to the hospital where he continued to lose cognitive levels, but never experienced any pain. A blood vessel had burst deep inside the right side of his brain. The neurosurgeon didn’t expect him to recover.

I asked them what would kill him. They said that pneumonia was most likely to end his life. There was a possibility he would begin to bleed again in his brain. This could cause him to lose respiration and heart beat.

The next day was a repeat of the first day. Many visitors and relatives dropped by. There was a small family clan that went in and out all day.

That evening, mom, I and my wife were returning to his room after the nurse had turned him and taken his temperature. The nurse wouldn’t tell us she knew he was dying. She said, “things are changing quickly now.”

I looked at the gages and instrument displays that had become easy to read the last two days. Dad’s respiration was 15 per minute. That was very low. It had been high in the 30’s and 40’s all day. Yes, 15 was very low.

As I watched, in the course of 2 minutes, Dad’s respiration rate kept going down. 15 per minute, 10 per minute, 8 per minute, 3 per minute, and finally, no respiration. I was surprised that his heart rate held steady at 49 beats per minute.

When he quit breathing, then his heart rate started to slow. 42 beats per minute, 30 beats per minute, and in less than two minutes, it started to lose its healthy pattern. It slowed to less then 20 beats per minute, and then just rippled where it had been beating. Finally, that stopped too.

I had just watched my dad die. It was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. My mom laid across him sobbing, “What will I do. What will I do without him.” We all cried again.

That very night, at home, mom had to answer the donor survey when they called. It made me a little angry as she spent 20 minutes telling them Dad wasn’t ever in prison, Dad had no sex diseases. . . Couldn’t they find that out earlier? Maybe not. Things can change. Still, I hated that part of it.

Well, I’m back home now. I just called my mom again tonight. She is as well as can be expected. Life goes on.

We were planning to visit for two weeks this summer. To see Dad and Mom. It’s hard to think I’ll never see my dad again. Life goes on.

Regards.

The other day I heard a couple of Christians discussing which was right about the kind of music they used in their churches.

It was a fairly interesting discussion they were having. It left me thinking how stupid Christians are.

One of them went on and on about how it was wrong to use musical instruments in church. He said it was wrong to add anything to the bible, and used that as the entire basis for his argument. He said that the only instances of worship that were cited in the New Testament didn’t use any instruments. So, since they didn’t use instruments, it was wrong to use instruments.

The second guy kept bringing up the Old Testament. He said the Psalms were full of using instruments. But, this didn’t carry any weight with the first guy. He continued saying the Old Testament didn’t count any more. He said only the New Testament counted for Christians.

So, the whole time, these two guys went back and forth trying to convince each other which was right.

Well, the whole thing was completely silly to me. “Aren’t they both Christians,” I thought? Wasn’t the whole point of what they were supposed to be doing being completely destroyed by how they were acting?

I was left thinking how much they were hypocrites. They supposedly have this great news to share, and they weren’t sharing anything except how stupid Christians are.

I didn’t say anything at the time, but I kept thinking about it.

They were both absolutely wrong in my opinion.

The first guy said it was wrong to use instruments because that was outside the example in the New Testament. Well, if that’s what makes it wrong, then they better not be using any electronics to amplify their voices in his church. That would certainly be outside the example. I bet there weren’t any microphones in the bible. They better not be using any projectors or TV’s in his services. I’m sure those weren’t around either. Can he think one enhancement to the voice is different to another enhancement to the voice? Anyways, the whole point of his argument becomes rather ridiculous in about half a second of thought.

Also, I seem to remember where Jesus said the Word of God would never pass away. Yes, he said that as recorded in the New Testament, but, at the time he said it, the New Testament didn’t even exist. We didn’t have the New Testament. It wasn’t written yet. And it wasn’t put together as a unit until the Council of Nicea in A.D. 325. So, Jesus was surely talking about what we call the Old Testament. That was all that existed. So, if he said the Word wouldn’t pass away for him, these stupid Christians should follow their leader.

Ok, the second guy was being absolutely judgmental and over-bearing about the whole thing. So, it wouldn’t matter if he were right or wrong. He was still dead wrong.

After giving it more thought, I’ve realized how I don’t have an argument to stand on either. Wasn’t I doing the exact same thing those stupid Christians were doing by judging them and calling them hypocrites?

My whole point is one of tolerance. Yes, there are right things and there are wrong things. Whether we all believe them or not doesn’t make them any more right or wrong. Anyone that is honest with himself, and chooses with integrity to what he believes is right will have to stand before God on that basis. No one stands or falls on the basis of your or my judgment.

We can share beliefs and go on. Each person’s honesty with the facts they have will be their guide and their judge.

Should we argue, or discuss our differences? I think only where it is profitable. If it is a vain discussion, it does nothing but separate people further. This is true in every arena of life.

So, show a little charity when it comes to other people. Be honest with things you encounter.

If you are wrong, then get right. It’s really pretty simple.

Regards.

Have you ever sat thinking about something that happened to you in the past, even years ago, and felt all the emotions of the moment all over again?

Boy, I sure have. And that remembered moment can ruin the day I’m having now! Is that not bizarre?

I can remember when I was around twelve years old, before my voice changed, and I was singing in a group. We were at camp standing around a campfire. There was this really, really cute girl in front of me. She turned around and said to me, “You have a very nice voice.” Ok, maybe I was a late bloomer for one, but I know by what I said to her that I was a complete idiot.

I responded to her, “I know,” with all the graces of a complete moron.

What on earth was I thinking?

Was I always that stupid?

What ever happened to “Thank you,” or “You’re very kind,” or even “Well, you’re very cute. What’s your name?”

For crying out loud, I could have said almost anything EXCEPT what I did say!

So, any time I want to feel absolutely ridiculous, I can just think of that moment. It’s amazing how emotions work in the first place. It’s even more amazing how they work with our memories–and that they can be just as powerful when the moment is remembered.

Power and Control come to my mind when I think about emotion. Emotion can be completely crippling. It can also drive us to the point that it even alters our personality.

Most of us have a certain level of confidence. Some more, some less. It is wired in directly with how we are feeling about ourselves at any given point. It establishes the life background of healthy pride that carries us. When it is damaged or attacked, it shakes us at the very core of our emotional stability.

I call it my stupid button. Do NOT press my stupid button.

I can be having an entirely un-eventful day, or even a great day, and have it totally changed when my stupid button is pressed.

My stupid button is wired directly to both my established level of confidence and my personal pride. When you press my stupid button, both of these core elements in my stability are attacked simultaneously. This triggers the emotion that we commonly call embarrassment.

Well, being embarrassed by itself is one thing. But FEELING embarrassed because someone made us feel stupid, consequently shaking our very foundation, is like pushing the last radioactive rod into the reactor. If something isn’t done quickly, there will be an explosion.

This is where I’ve told people things like, “Go outside and practice falling down. I’ll be out in a minute,” and I wasn’t joking. This will take a full grown man back to a teenager in a chest pushing contest of, “come on, punk. Let’s go punk.”

So, don’t make me stupid.

Why am I sharing this? Because, this isn’t just true at work. This isn’t just true playing your favorite sport. This isn’t just true in a classroom. This isn’t just true in a fight or a debate [often the point of a debate].

This is most true with those you love.

Indeed, the most hurt, the worst fights, the most damage I can remember in my marriage was a direct consequence of pressing my wife’s stupid button.

Now, we could all argue that we should have better self control. The difficulty here is our relationships are the places we have made ourselves vulnerable. The closer the relationship, the more vulnerable we are. And, a truly loving marriage even paints a perfect target in the dead center of our stupid buttons. We know it all, and we know how to press it just right.

I have ruined some of the best times with my wife in the past by pressing her stupid button. I often interact with friends by having to be saying comical things in a conversation. When I meet new people, I try even harder to make things fun with laughter and light-heartedness. So what comes out the easiest? Where do any comedian’s jokes come from? Friends, family, life, and experience are the sources of all our good stuff.

It’s rather incredible more public comedians aren’t maimed, hurt, and killed by their loved ones. Their loved ones are so often the center of their quips and routines. The same goes for preachers. I guarantee Sunday lunch has had it’s share of the wife’s scorn for words that she knows he should never have made public–and which he is very sorry he did.

So, guard your words. Practice keeping your mind a couple of phrases ahead of your mouth.

And, where your wife is concerned, don’t you dare push that stupid button. Believe me. It will ruin your day. It will ruin your night. It can ruin the next several days and nights. It’s just plain stupid.

Find some new material.

Regards.

What are the components of our relationships with others?

Consider the following two examples:

Example One:

Have you ever heard the statistic that 90% of the non-work related accidents people have happen within a couple of miles of their home–further, that this paints the picture of how we become less careful when things are familiar?

You are about to experience my disdain for such statistical analysis. What if I told you this could just as well mean, and rightly in my opinion, that we spend 90% of our time within a couple of miles of home when we aren’t working. And, that it really means that we always have accidents where we are at the time?

Example Two:

Do you remember the comedy film that Steve Martin starred in where he got rich from inventing this little bracket that kept a pair of glasses from sliding down your nose? Do you remember the crazy beginning to that movie where Steve, as white as any white person ever, was “raised as a poor black child?”

If you do, then take that utter maniacal approach to the statement, “I was raised a narrow, conservative christian.”

Believe me. They exist. I was one.

After life and reading the Bible for myself had vanquished that sort of rigid judgementalism from me, I set about enlightening my father.

We had been raised to believe that christians who didn’t believe exactly as we did were believing a lie–and that they were teaching false doctrine. This would take them to hell. So, one day I set my father up with a trap.

I asked him, “Dad, do you believe today exactly like you believed five or even ten years ago?”
He responded with all his wisdom that people should never grow stagnant, that we are on a journey, and that we were constantly developing and refining our belief as we come to understand the truth.

“So, you believe differently now from five years ago?” I reinforced.

“Certainly son.” He confirmed.

“So, were you believing false doctrine five years ago, or are you believing false doctrine now?” My trap was fully sprung. “Since your belief differed at those two points, it’s the same as seeing someone else believing differently and claiming that they believe false doctrine. How do you know they aren’t just at a different point in their growth from where you are in yours?”

Well, I’m happy to say it worked. My folks escaped the rigidity of narrow mindedness they had grown up with.

Ok, what’s my point with these two examples?

First, to point out that pure facts have different possibilities.
Second, to point out that truth and belief have different possibilities.

Why point this out?

Because one of the two of these is going to be the basis for our thoughts about others. In essence, these are the core ingredients by which we form our opinion of others. That means these are the components of our relationship with others.

What I’m saying is that we can all too easily misunderstand one another. We will think we know. But, we don’t.

So, live a life that always extends grace and mercy.

Have you ever had an officer issue you a warning when you thought you were getting a ticket?

I have. And, believe me, it was wonderful to receive the warning instead of the ticket.

Well, you can grant that kind of wonderful to those you have in your life.

The facts can say they are wrong. You can believe in your heart they are wrong. But, you can choose to show grace and mercy.

Yes, we all have to measure up to something somewhere. Just don’t needlessly tromp out someone’s life. It’s the only one they have.

Regards.