OK, ok. Men are Desperate.
What I’m about to share with you must be kept in the strictest confidence. If you cannot agree to keep quiet, then you must stop reading at this point. Seriously, I could get in a lot of trouble for years to come for sharing this openly.
You are sworn to silence.
This is something that has been hidden by all men for generations. In fact, you can’t tell anyone you know this, and especially can’t tell anyone you got it from me. I could be hunted and killed like a snake. Which is what the men reading this will think I am.
Yes, I will be labeled a traitor.
Anyway, Do you remember when you first got married, how you walked in on your husband when he was doing laundry?
I know this is like asking you to go to the library and sort through all the microfiche or dig through all the newspaper archives. But if you give it some effort, I’ll bet you can remember your man actually putting some clothes in a washer at least once.
What you likely didn’t know, until this betrayal, was that he had been waiting there for quite some time for you to walk in and see him. He might have even been making some noise to attract you into the laundry room. At the very least, he worked hard to make sure you were seeing him in the process of putting the clothes in the washer at just the right time to catch him.
OK, so you may feel that this is much to do about nothing. Well, that is where you are mistaken.
This is, and has been for 3 generations, actually since the late 1940’s, a closely guarded secret with sworn silence. The young men returning from World War II had all been involved in this–actually indoctrinated. It began with high-ranking marines and filtered its way through to every branch of the military. In fact, this wasn’t just an American phenomenon. It made it’s way through the ranks of all the allied troops. In fact, you’ll find much higher, more polished forms of this in Great Britain–albeit some Canadian forms, while somewhat obscure, are well refined.
Men train up their sons in this religiously. In fact, I’m almost compelled by the shear force of revere and brotherhood to break off this discloser at once.
For you women out there that really believe your husband is truly stupid about washing clothes, I have news for you. We really know what colors not to mix. Come on. Think about it. Only and idiot wouldn’t know this. Do you think for half a second that our putting the reds and whites together wasn’t a carefully calculated plan to never have to help with laundry again?
Ok guys. I’m truly sorry. But 3 generations of this distortion of truth just had to be set right. I’m to be pitied for being the one to do it–I know.
Well, I’m a bit taken back as to whether I should share the whole of it or not . . .
Oh, why not. Let’s just make a clean sweep of it, while we’re at it.
I know you ladies have had the pleasure, be it a rare pleasure, of finding your man doing the dishes (sorry guys). This is more of the same, but with a different twist.
This behavior actually didn’t develop until the wide spread use of automatic dishwashers. It has two forms.
The first form is related to the laundry event. It has the same goal, namely: to never have to help with dishes again.
It usually expresses itself in dropping one of the more noisy pieces of the finer silverware. It is done in a fashion designed to attract the most attention. The door of the dishwasher is wide open with all the rest, that could be fit, of the china and silverware in the dishwasher. “Oh dear.” is the intended spousal response. Yes, “oh dear.”
Oh dear, and Voila! No more dishes for such and ignorant man.
Now the second form this behavior has exhibited is expressed in attention just the same, but attention for another purpose. It takes the form of filling the dishwasher with all the dirty dishes, but, instead of removing the chore from the man’s list of things he can do, is designed to be raised as a memorial to the man’s help and support of his darling wife. This will sometimes be done prior to a request for getting a computer or some other thing he wants, but it is often used just to get points for later use as well.
This second form, while not quite as malevolent as the first, can be quite devious. Especially when one considers that the man may have had the dishwasher loaded for the better part of a day waiting for the wife to be in just the right spot at just the right time for the greatest impact.
Well, there. You have it. I may have just signed my own death warrant, but right is right. Now, I can go to bed with a clear conscience. One of the first in over 60 years of keeping such a thing from our women.
Forgive me.
Regards.
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