Keeping the Romance and Love in your Relationship
What I am about to share with you could save your marriage or relationship.
For you men out there, this might hurt. It might even make you feel a little like gagging. Believe me. The payback is tremendous. You will want to make sure you take steps in your life to follow the instruction I give you here to the best of your ability.
I know there is no surprise when someone says that women are in control. That is why I am about to really burst your bubble.
The truth of the matter is this: the man is in control of the happiness in a marriage. OK, ok. I won’t argue the finer points of who wears the pants. I’m just telling you that the sooner you realize that you as the man control the level of happiness in your relationship, the better off you’ll be. AND, the sooner you’ll see a shift in the one you love, when you put to practice the steps for real love to grow.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I were returning from some busy thing in our lives that I can’t remember. It was very cold outside, being the dead of winter. We were in her car, and the oil light had come on. So we pulled into the convenient store around the corner of our house for me to go in and get some oil. As we pulled in, I asked if she needed gas while we were there.
“Sure,” she responded. “That would save me having to do it in the cold.”
So, I filled her car up and opened the hood to check the oil level. When I went in to pay for the gas and get a quart of oil, I noticed they had some clipped roses packed as singles by the counter.
Now, pay attention to this. This was an opportunity. You want to practice seeing and recognizing opportunities like this. This is critical to maintaining and developing a thriving relationship where the right kind of sparks fly. Earlier in our marriage, I used to allow most of the opportunities to pass me by. Don’t make the same mistake in your marriage. Making the most out of every opportunity to make your wife feel special will make all the difference between happiness and dullness. And when your wife feels special, you can count on it. You’ll be treated special and the happiness will ignite all kinds of little rewards that go both directions in your relationship.
You guessed it. I bought her a rose.
But, you can still ruin the whole thing if you don’t get it right at this point. I didn’t just tromp back out to the car with my oil in one hand and a rose in the other. NO, that just won’t do. I carefully placed the rose inside my coat and walked out as if nothing was special at all. I put the oil in the car, closed the hood, and tossed the empty container in the trash all without event.
Then, I walked to her car door and motioned for her to open her window as if to tell her something that couldn’t happen in the car. The moment she opened the window, with all the skill and grace of a Robin Hood wielding his sword, I stooped and kissed her before she could realize what was happening, pulled the rose from my coat and very, very sweetly–almost whispered, but with great conviction–told her, “I love you.”
Now, have you ever seen a woman melt? Trust me in this. This will make her melt right before your very eyes. This is guaranteed.
OK, now the men out there that are gagging right now can continue down the dismal road of a marriage that has lost all of its pizzazz and mystery. Remember, you are making your own road. In deed, you are in control of happiness in your marriage.
Do you ever find yourself thinking of your life in a different set of circumstances with longing in your heart for things to be different? This is one of the main signs of a lack of happiness. I’m telling you it is under your control. If you keep feeding dreams that shouldn’t be, then you will destroy what you have and likely never get what you were dreaming about either. You’ll be left with nothing.
Romance doesn’t just happen. No. That’s called lust. You have to practice romance. It’s an art with great rewards. Understand this. No amount of romance, no amount of sweetness, no effort of any kind can fix what you hurt with harsh words spoken in anger or spite to the one you love. Harsh words cut to the depth of the soul. They destroy utterly and completely. They can be forgiven, but they will never heal without leaving a mark.
Do not ever get into the you-hurt-me-I’ll-hurt-you syndrome. First of all, you’re a selfish baby if you do. Secondly, a relationship built on being compelled to do what the other partner wants in order to avoid being treated in this childish manner will never last. The cycle has to stop somewhere. Always be quick to say you’re sorry.
Now here’s a hard one for all of us. But, this is possibly the strongest remedy for the tough times in any relationship.
Be willing to be wrong.
I’m not talking about some pitiful act. This isn’t a feel sorry for me quest for patronage. I’m talking about a life changing humility that is actually WILLING to be wrong.
You’ll find most the situations that come your way, which could go badly, will never materialize if you live life with this kind of attitude. This isn’t just true in your relationship.
Finally, before I go, NEVER ever never get into a fair trade relationship. “You do this. I’ll do that.” Or, as it usually goes: “I would do that if YOU would do this!” That is a dead end. It doesn’t work. It never has worked. It never will work.
You have heard it said that marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Well, I’m here to tell you ”that’s stupid.” That’s a formula for failure from the beginning. That’s a fair trade relationship.
Remember this: A marriage is a 100/100 proposition—each giving to the other without expecting anything in return. And, the beauty of it is that both get blessed with happiness.
So, remember. You’re in complete control of happiness in your relationship. Never let the romance die. Practice romance. Give 100%. It’s worth it.
Regards.
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